Contest Entry: A Whoreable Night: A Sweet, Innocent Southern Boy Discovers Spenard

by Carlyle Watt

A few months after moving up to Anchorage from South Carolina, I began taking some vocal lessons from a woman in an arts studio off of Spenard. I was in a new place and decided I was ready to pursue music a little more. After an hour of singing scales and pushing from my diaphragm, I got in my little truck to go home. It was about 8:00 pm. As I approached a stop sign on the corner of Spenard and Turnagain, I noticed a lady on the sidewalk. Where I grew up, if a lady was on the sidewalk in the cold at night, it was because she was on her way somewhere. I decided I should let her cross the street in front of me, since that is what my mother would want me to do. I waved her on and she proceeded to cross the street in front of my truck. I looked the other way at traffic, so I could pull out as soon as the nice lady had safely made it to the other sidewalk. All of the sudden, I heard my passenger door open, and she was sitting comfortably in my passenger seat. What the hell? “Can I help you?” I say. She says nothing and looks puzzled. “Do you need a ride somewhere?” I ask trying to understand why a strange lady would just hop in your car at an intersection. Finally, the words that make it all click for me: “Are you a cop?” she asked. Her teeth were grinding fervently. I looked down to see high heeled pleather boots. Then fishnet stockings. A tiny skirt. It’s 20 degrees outside. A leopard fur-lined coat. It hit me like a ton of bricks: I had just picked up a prostitute. I told her she should probably get going, trying not to offend her. I figured, why let a situation like this make you forget your manners. I looked around to make sure there were no cops who might have seen me summon a hooker, tried to figure out how I would explain it if I had to, and got the hell out of Spenard as fast as I could.

I want to thank Spenard for toughening me up a bit. For expanding my horizons, and wising me up to the world. I’m proud to say that since then, I haven’t picked up a single prostitute.

Editors note: This just made our news room erupt in laughter. The good kind, the “aww, bless his heart” kind. Thanks Carlyle! Dear everyone else: keep the Spenard stories comin’!

Daniella Cortez

About Daniella Cortez

Entertainment editor and your gal about town. Doing my best to bring you the highs and lows of Anchorage's arts and entertainment scene.

One thought on “Contest Entry: A Whoreable Night: A Sweet, Innocent Southern Boy Discovers Spenard

  1. April 30, 2013 at 5:15 am

    I was standing out front of Tap Root having a smoke. A guy approached me and asked “do you smoke?” Figuring he was a little drunk and looking to bum a cigarette I looked at my cigarette, looked at him, took a drag and replied, “well yes.” He then popped out with a tiny bag of crack for sale. It turns out “do you smoke?” can mean more than one thing, who knew?

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