Second Opinion: I’m a creep

second opinionWhat’s the proper way to talk up a girl without coming across as a creeper?

Signed,

Not a Creeper

DCA: “Creeper” comes in many flavors. There’s the “too much eye contact” creeper, the “not enough eye contact” creeper, the “you sure got a purdy mouth” creeper and of course, my personal favorite, the “I’m just going to keep saying whatever thought floats through my head until you walk away in disgust” creeper. Obviously, you’ll want to avoid all of these. Sometimes they can’t be helped. Chatting someone up is weird, rife with possible explosive awkward land mines and often impossible for sober people.

I think the proper way to do the chat up without coming across as creepy is to assume they are not interested in you and go at it from a purely making new friends standpoint. If you start with a genuine interest in getting to know someone, less all that weird “I want to smash my face against yours for awhile” stuff, you’ll be considerably less weird about it. Hopefully.

For incurable weirdos (I count myself as a member of this tribe) you may just have to make peace with the fact that you’re going to seem creepy at least a portion of the time. Not everyone will get your brand of charming right away. Maybe your verbal diarrhea is involuntary and you don’t know how to get to know someone without telling him or her everything from the last time you had a bowel movement to where your great aunt went to college. It’s okay, it’s part of what makes you, you. The important thing is that you aren’t asking to pet their hair, or where they buy their underwear during your first conversation. This is a level of creeper that is hard to overcome.

But for real though: be authentic, they’ll either get you or they won’t. Do you, boo.

CB: Well, to be fair, what is a creeper to one girl is a dream come true for others. For example, if a guy approached me in my single lady days and struck up a conversation about Dr. Who, I’d be completely lost, as I’ve only started watching the series. My cohort Daniella, on the other hand, would have almost definitely had to have a talk with her panties about staying on whilst in public. (Obvious disclaimer: This would only occur during DCA’s single lady days as well as we’re both happily married to our very own nerds.) On the other hand, if someone had approached me armed with endless trivia on the Game of Thrones series we would have been talking all night.

Sorry, DCA, but I’m pretty sure I’m not outing us as nerds. People know.

I think the key here is to be genuine, respectful, and just cheesy enough to be charming. It should go without saying, but for the truly clueless: real compliments are always infinity times better than pickup lines, i.e. “You have a great smile” over “I couldn’t help but notice you noticing me,” “I would love to see what you look like without a shirt on,” and “are your tits real?” (FYI, all those lines have actually been used on me in the past, and, no, none of them worked) Just be yourself, be charming, and respect their boundaries.

And on a more serious note: since American society still very much reinforces a rape culture that focuses on “ladies (and men): don’t get raped” rather than “men (and ladies): don’t rape,” the classic move of buying someone a drink is not as sexy as it once was. We are trained from puberty to never accept a drink from someone we don’t know, because date rape drugs are sophisticated and usually undetectable. If you do decide to go this route, eliminate the creep factor by asking them if you can buy them a drink and then accompany them to the bar so they can order what they want directly from the bartender. Remember, trust is earned and showing someone you’re cool with taking the time to earn it is a level of sexy that’s hard to fake.

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Daniella Cortez

About Daniella Cortez

Entertainment editor and your gal about town. Doing my best to bring you the highs and lows of Anchorage's arts and entertainment scene.

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